The Awakening (A short story)

The day started perfect. Matt woke up, feeling refreshed and content with the world as it was. There was turmoil in Iraq, people were starving in third-world countries, and humans were generally destroying the world, but Matt was content with the world as it was right at that moment. He looked over to his shoulder, and smiled a thin, sincere smile with the sweetest simplicity to it. On his shoulder lay the head of the one who he lived for, his soul mate, the person that life could not be complete without. It’s true that not many high-school seniors found someone like this at this early in their lives, and yet there she slept, her brown hair cascading behind her head like the Nile, ever flowing, or so it seemed to him. Everything seemed to be exaggerated today, the sun seemed to be shining, the clouds held a silver lining to them, even though the sky was really just full of gray-white clouds that surrounded the sun in the sky, like kids on a baseball field trying to catch the downward spiraling ball. Everything was perfect, just as it should be, in complete Zen, where the slightest movement could ruin it all and Matt wouldn’t notice.
He barely moved, a small convulsion of muscles, trying to just get a bit more comfortable, and the body beside him stirred. A part of him internally cursed himself, for he enjoyed watching her sleep with the sort of curiosity a cat holds in a kitten, watching the little one play, enjoying watching this being enjoying the moment. He liked watching her sleep. She looked so serene, so at peace, not needing anything from the world right at that moment, not complaining about some guy who was bothering her, not needing to search her brain for a retort to some guy’s whistling. She looked like she had no problems at all when she dreamed. Sometimes they dreamed that the other was in their dreams, and they would talk about their dreams afterwards. Sometimes it figured that they dreamt the same dreams, and when one of them would start talking about the dream, the other would finish saying how it ended, exactly as they had dreamt it.
Jen nuzzled his shoulder and looked over into his eyes, smiling faintly, still a little tired, but having been woken, feeling Matt stir beside her. Matt’s smile widened ever so slightly, in a silent greeting that Jen felt, for lack of a better word. They were both very empathic towards each other, knowing if something was wrong with the other, or knowing what they were feeling. It wasn’t something strange like telepathy, but they could just look into each other’s eyes, or hold each other in their arms, and they would be able to feel if something was different. Right now, everything was the way it should be; nothing was different about the other. They were just inhaling, tasting, and savoring this moment, when they were together and everything was perfect.
They had not had sex the night before. They slept together, which was true, but they had both sat down with their parents months before, and talked it over very professionally, both being able to think about the problem of their parents in a way so that they could get a reasonable argument to use against their parents. They had been together for three years, had shown their parents that they were very responsible, and even shown the other’s parents that they could be trusted. They just didn’t like sleeping alone anymore, and they didn’t feel that they spent enough time together. They had both promised each parent that they would not have sex while they were minors, despite their own wants, and now did not need to worry about being walked in on at the wrong moment, or have Matt’s brother or Jen’s sister go off to tell on their sibling.
As they stared into each other’s eyes, they felt at complete peace, and they felt the other was at complete peace, that everything was as it should be. However, time does not stand still for them, as much as they would like it to, and Matt stirred again, and looked blearily over at the clock on the nightstand beside the bed. 6:30 read the face of the digital clock, and Matt resigned with displeasure that they would have to start getting ready for school. He wasn’t sure exactly how he said it, wasn’t exactly sure if he cared, but he knew that he had gotten the message to Jen, who merely yawned and stretched, catlike, and moved her hand over his chest in response.
“Just a little while longer?” she asked, her tone somewhat pleading. With their very busy schedules, they both had very little time for moments like this, when they would do nothing but enjoy life, enjoy their moments in pure, divine bliss. Matt nodded, a short, simple motion that acknowledged that they still had time, time enough to spend another fifteen minutes just lying there, thinking of nothing at all. They lay in each other’s arms, Jen idly drawing designs on Matt’s chest with her finger, while Matt lay there, feeling the curve of Jen’s back in his arms, closing his eyes, resting his consciousness for the second.
Time seemed to drag on, and they lay there, just like that, until Matt opened his eyes, and softly kissed Jen’s forehead. She moved into his touch, and they kissed, feeling the warmth of each other’s lips, increasing the heat of each other’s souls. After they had been doing this for a time, a time that couldn’t be measured by either of them, Matt pulled away and rubbed his nose into her hair, while she pressed her head into the side of his neck, neither one of them taken away from the embrace they had held since the night before. They both knew that they would have to move, to get up out of the bed, to stop being lazy, but neither of them wanted to.
Matt mumbled “We should get going” in his low voice, revealing both of their fears and exposing their thoughts to open air, letting them hit the wind coming in from the open window, through the screen, and burst aflame like napalm. Matt felt himself sit up, his back curving, his muscles tensing as his legs helped him into his sitting position. Jen was soon right beside him, her hand on his back. A mischievous thought came into Matt’s head, and he turned to Jen, a grin on his face, which turned to a faked pained expression, as he said in a sore voice, “Oh, I think I pulled a muscle in my back from last night.” She grinned at him sardonically and smacked him upside the head for his comment, as he burst into low giggles.
Matt padded into the bathroom, and made sure there was a dry towel waiting for him, which there was. He grabbed another towel and set it upon the first, which was hanging from a silver hook. As he turned the shower on, he grinned to himself, thinking of the things that he didn’t tell his parents about, or hers in fact, of what they did do that was unknown to them. He heard the door close behind him, and saw Jen standing there, stretching, her skin golden and her hair as brown as a mouse that scurries into its hole, its home, where it waits for safety from the lurking cat. They smiled at each other, and Matt threw off his boxers as Jen undressed out of her underwear, and she grinned mischievously as she locked the door behind her. Matt stepped into the shower, and she soon followed, closing the sliding glass door behind her.
They pulled each other close, the water running down them soaking their bodies, making them glisten like polished gemstones. Their arms wandered, Matt’s hands massaging her back while Jen scrubbed his hair with her fingers. They kissed, ignoring the morning breath brought to most teenagers not long after waking. Matt grabbed the soap off-handedly, and began running it up and down Jen’s back, while Jen poured the shampoo over his hair, which was as black as the night sky. She dropped the shampoo and started scrubbing his hair harder with every kiss Matt gave her, but his head soon drooped, and he started kissing her neck, and she held his head there, with closed eyes, her fingers moving through his hair. She dipped him slightly, for a moment, to let the water rinse his hair. Matt began kissing down her body, tasting every curve, hearing her moan softly as he ran the soap down her body. He stopped kissing after a while, and just made sure that he covered her legs and then he worked his way up, slowly covering each crevice of her body, hearing her almost pleading for more with her almost animal utterances.
Matt helped the water rinse her off, rubbing up and down her body, and proceeded to kiss the newly cleaned skin. Jen moved into his touch, and soon had the soap in her hand, given to her by Matt. Matt had grabbed the shampoo and was washing Jen’s hair as she began lathering his skin with soap, sculpting out his every muscle on his chest, and moving downwards. Matt rinsed her hair, and soon felt muscles, muscles that had been tense enough as it was, blood running around them so much that they provided a rather immodest erection, being caressed by the bar of soap in Jen’s hand. He fought hard to keep his self-control, for he knew that if he lost it, he and Jen could both be in major trouble with their parents. Not so much in the sense that their parents would be angry at them for the act, but that they wouldn’t be able to trust the two of them ever again. Jen could tell that something was wrong, and she quickly finished up with Matt. After being thoroughly saturated with water, they stepped out of the shower, grabbing towels and drying each other, kisses going back and forth as they did so.
The day had started like any normal school day for this year. They had woken up in the same bed, bathed together, and now got dressed together, not even bothering to ask each other what would look good on them, because they knew already. Jen put on a black bra, which was not quite covered by a sky-blue shirt to match the blouse she had put over on the chair. She had some black ballet slippers that she was very comfortable with wearing, that she wore almost all the time, even when it didn’t match with her outfit. Matt merely got out the usual outfit that he wore every day; his traditional black leather jacket to go over a white shirt, along with the black leather pants that he had sitting out with his black combat boots. Most people took this look as a goth look, or a badass look, but he didn’t care. He just wore what felt comfortable to him, no matter what others thought. He almost always wore his leather jacket anywhere and everywhere, whether it was eighty degrees in the summer, or if it was ten degrees or lower in winter. He might wear a coat over it in cold temperatures, but he always wore that jacket. It was like a comfort blanket to him, and it kept him warm, Though not as warm as Jen, he thought. They grabbed their bags, said good-bye to Jen’s parents, and walked out the door.
Off on the other side of town, a boy filled with contempt and hatred woke from a dreamless sleep. His hand smashed the croaking alarm clock that was blaring away near his ears. He got up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and looked around his room, looking at the various posters of “gangsta rap” artists, and looked over the massive $2500 stereo system, with speakers that sat around his room, all pointed at his bed, the subwoofer sitting atop his bureau, where all he had to do was grab the remote that lie on his nightstand and press the “play” button, and he would be blasted with the latest Eminem CD that was in the CD player, along with whatever other of the five CDs that were in the player. His music collection was three full binders of CDs, filled with all of the latest popular music. He looked around a little more, and found the wall that he had covered with pictures. He looked it over, marveling at the beauty he saw in it, all of them pictures of a girl he was obsessed with, a girl that he knew was right for him, a girl who was going out with a guy who was in his way of achieving happiness.
He didn’t know what love was, but he was chasing after this girl anyway, despite the restraining order that had been filed against him. His parent’s hadn’t believed anything that he had done; they had thought that their son was a beautiful angel, capable of doing no wrong. He took advantage of his parents, always going with whatever they said that benefited him. They often bought him presents that he didn’t need, which he would end up selling to someone at school for money to buy snacks. If his parents were coming home, and they asked him if he wanted anything, he would usually ask for chips and soda. He often did nothing but play computer games, most of which involved needless, violent activities, such as “Grand Theft Auto” or “Postal.” He took pleasure in watching the video cars blow up from a bazooka shot, or sniping some poor virtual sap off, but every time he did something like that, he wished it was real, that it was Matt that he was sniping off, Matt who he hated, Matt who he despised, Matt who he wished would die from a slow, painful death.
His parents were almost never home. His dad was a successful lawyer, and often worked very late. His mom was a doctor, and often worked nights, getting as many patients as she could get within a day’s work. Since Ben was usually around the house, with not much to do, when he wasn’t playing video games, he was plotting. A few days ago, he had a friend of his break into the local gun shop, a friend Ben paid back very substantially, since he had a rather large allowance given to him every week. The present he got back this time was a real treat: a Desert Eagle .50, extremely deadly at medium and short distances. When his parents had been gone, off at work or some other business at a relatives’, he was in the expansive back yard, shooting cans off of stands that he had set up, each at a different height. At first the kickback of the gun blew him off of his feet, but as time went on, he began to form a stance, able to take the force of the gun’s power. Every once in a while, a neighbor would report hearing the loud noise of the gun, which would bring his parents into the picture again. Ben would put the gun in its usual hiding place, in a compartment under the floorboards near his bureau, and his parents would search his room, though not very thoroughly, and would tell the police that it wasn’t them. Maybe they didn’t even want to find anything, he thought.
Last year, he had a mental breakdown in school. He had assaulted Matt, trying to strangle him, trying to kill him, before a teacher intervened. It took three adults to pry his fingers off of Matt’s neck, but they got him off just in time. Though his parents didn’t believe it, or didn’t want to believe it, the school suspended him for a good deal of time. They only suspended him instead of expelling him because the school got a generous donation from Ben’s father a few days after the incident. However, Ben’s parents had been very concerned about their son, and sent him to seek help. Three psychologists and several types of medicines later, they decided to send him to Sunville Farm, a local institution for “special” people. After he had come back from Sunville Farm, after the school year had ended, the only thing Ben had learned was not to be as impulsive. Many doctors had tried to tell him that he was just intruding on other people’s lives, that the world didn’t revolve around him, but he was still going to try to get his way, like a spoiled six-year-old who creates scenes in the toy section of the store.
Ben wasn’t a very fat person, but he was meaty, and a bit short as well; 185 pounds at five feet six inches. He crawled out of bed, and threw on some clothes, a white tank top, some baggy blue jeans, a jean shirt with the sleeves torn off, and a red baseball cap with “The Mets” proudly proclaimed on the hat. He walked into the bathroom, brooding as he rubbed on the deodorant. Today is another day, he thought. Just another day of seeing that b****** walk with my girl, seeing that asshole hold hands with my woman. He doesn’t deserve her; he doesn’t need her like I do. Ben was now brushing his teeth, his daily mental injection of anger still working itself up. I want her; it should be me holding hands with her, dancing at the prom with her, going to the movies with her, kissing her. His gums started to bleed ever so slightly from the force he was brushing them, but he didn’t seem to notice, as he was wrapped in his thoughts, his anger coming to a boil. I’ll see how my first plans go by lunchtime, and at that point, I’ll know. I’ll know if I have to use the tools I have. I’ll know if he will die.
Matt and Jen walked to school together, which was only a few blocks away from Jen’s house, holding hands, their steps hitting the sidewalk at the exact same time. They walked onto the baseball field that they had hung out at after school for years, playing games, talking, not having a care in the world. Matt remembered his younger days as a child, and remembered playing baseball with his friends on this field. He remembered hanging out with his best friends after school on this field, before he met Jen. So many good memories were here, so many good vibes filled the air, that he loved bringing Jen down here just to chat, or to occasionally throw around a ball. She could feel the sense of past laughter in the air of this place, and it warmed her heart as well as his. She understood how important this place was to Matt, and she didn’t mind coming down here with him.
The baseball field was right next to the high school, and the morning crowds of preppies and metalheads hadn’t quite gathered in front of the school. They walked through to the school, walking up the stone walkway that led to the front door, saying hi and nodding to the occasional friend. In front of the school, Matt recognized a face that he hadn’t seen in a long time, a face that always gave him a smile almost as much as Jen’s. He let go of Jen’s hand for a second, though she followed quickly behind him, wondering what it was, and Matt strode forward to his best friend that he hadn’t seen in over a year. Andy looked happy to see him too, but even though Matt was really happy, he could sense something wrong about Andy. He acted like he didn’t notice, and the two of them quickly embraced, a friend’s hug, not quite as intimate as a hug to a family member or a lover, but a good, solid hug that let the other know that you were glad to see them.
They looked one another over, and exchanged a look to each other, showing each other how much they thought they had changed. Andy now no longer wore the usual get-up he usually wore, a light shirt under a plaid over-shirt with some jean shorts and sneakers. He now was a little more refined, wearing a collared, short-sleeved t-shirt with some khaki shorts and nice shoes. He no longer looked scruffy and fuzzy, as he used to with his mostly unshaven face and hair that was gelled in every direction; he now had brushed hair, parted on the right side, and he was clean-shaven. Matt broke the silence, “How the hell have you been?”
“I haven’t been all that bad. I just finished my first year of college.”
“Good for you! How’s, uh, that girl you were going out with when I last saw you? Steph, I think her name was.”
“She’s fine, she’s fine. Actually, she’s part of the reason I’m down here.”
“Well, tell me the rest of the reason first. Save the other stuff for later.”
“Actually, I’m kind of in a rush. I was hoping to catch you first thing today.” At this point, Andy noticed Jen, and asked, “And who is this divinely beautiful lady, hmmm?” Matt gave him a slight warning look, and introduced, “Andy, this is my girlfriend, Jen. Jen, this is my best friend, Andy. You know, the guy I’ve known since kindergarten.” Jen extended her hand, and said, “Yes, I remember. Matt’s told me so much about you.” Andy took her hand and bent slightly, as if to kiss it, but Matt gave him an even more severe look, as if saying, “Don’t you dare. I will tear off that hand and feed it to your dog.” So instead Andy just bowed slightly and released her hand. Jen didn’t seem to notice what went on, and was slightly puzzled. Andy just said, “That’s how they shake hands in Spain,” to bury the small quarrel. Jen molded herself to Matt’s side, and almost sensed the little scuffle, and rubbed his back, as if trying to tell him, “I’m not going to be swayed that easily.”
“So Andy, what are ya here for? The concert? You’re a little late for the last show, and the early show is still a month or so ahead,” Matt said, remembering his friend’s most recent show of unpredictability.
“Matt, I told you, I’m sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“
“It’s not about how many times you say it; it’s just about whether or not you show up. Look, I’m sorry for bringing it up, but could you get to the point? I’m sorry if I’m a bit rude, but we need to get to our first class.”
“Ok. I auditioned for Julliard again. They’re gonna let me in for my third and fourth year of college.”
“That’s great, man! Wow, I’m excited for you!”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. Look, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think you’ll see me around at all…” There was an awkward pause, but the blow didn’t hit Matt as hard as he thought it would. He saw Andy very rarely, twice or thrice a year, and even though they rarely saw each other any more, due to Andy’s tendency to say one thing and do another, it struck Matt hard that he wouldn’t be able to see his friend again. He blinked back some tears, and said, “Well, I wish you luck with school.” Then, Andy’s eyes took on some of its old mischievousness, and Andy said, “However, this is the good news, the good part of why I’m here. I talked to Steph’s parents, and guess what?” Matt shook his head, not able to guess. Andy smiled large and satisfied, “Steph and I are getting married this spring. In May. You know what this means?” Matt knew. Matt would still be around, finishing up school, Andy wouldn’t have moved yet, and their promise would still hold.
“Congratulations, man.” Matt clapped Andy’s shoulder, not really believing the rogue he knew was actually going to marry someone. Andy seemed pretty pleased with himself, and said, “So you’re gonna be there? You’re gonna be right next to me?” Matt made a show as if he was thinking it over, but the decision was already made in his mind. “Hell yeah! I wouldn’t miss a thing like this! So you came looking for your best man? Holy s*** , that’s just fuckin’ awesome.” He looked at Andy, and now saw how much had changed in him. “I’m proud of you, man.” They hugged quickly, tightly, again, and Matt clapped him on the back. “Just tell me when and where. I’ll bring my tux,” Matt told his friend, and Andy nodded, his own tears almost overwhelming him. They said a silent good-bye, and Andy walked towards the parking lot, while Matt took Jen’s arm in his own, and they walked inside the school. Andy walked away, knowing that now he would have to fulfill the same promise to Matt if things with Jen worked out. His thoughts turned to hoping it worked out for them as he left.
At the moment when he walked into the school building, Matt immediately thought that Jen’s belief of all things being balanced was true right then. Right in front of him, with his usual gang of messy, unclean thugs, sat Ben, looking like a king of thieves with his minions surrounding him. Several of his friends wore shirts with rude remarks on them, like “Eat This” or “If you are close enough to read this, THE b**** FELL OFF.” Matt didn’t care for those kind of clothes, for he thought that those shirts were just for the attention-starved and punks like these, who looked for fights anywhere. Ben scowled menacingly at Matt and Jen as they passed quickly in front of them, going to the locker they shared. Ben put a foot out, to trip Matt, but Matt deliberately stepped over the foot, and quickly walked away. A teacher came along soon after, telling Ben and the others to clear out and get to their classes. They just slumped their shoulders and buried their hands in their pockets and trudged to their first classes.
Matt and Jen had set up their schedules at the beginning of the school year so that they both had the same classes for the entire school year. They were also trying to get into the same colleges, but that was out of their hands at this point, due to their applications having already been sent in. Unfortunately, they also had to share classes with that creep Ben that Matt just wanted gone. It seemed like every year he bought the information as to what classes Jen was in, and ended up changing classes within the first five days of the semesters, when there was that precious little time to change classes without a fuss. Jen knew Matt didn’t like him, and that Matt, being as overprotective as he was, wanted him taken off their backs. But Jen pitied Ben, and didn’t want Matt to do something that would get him in trouble. She did think it was creepy the way that Ben had been stalking her over the past few years, but she just thought If we wait long enough, we won’t have to deal with him ever again. But she didn’t know about his year in Sunville Farms, or she might have taken things more seriously. She had thought that one year that Ben was gone was pure good luck, even though it was a year looking over Matt’s back and not seeing anything.
The class was Voice, led by Ms. Roberts, a teacher that never gave up on anybody, no matter how much their singing was lacking. Matt was doing great in the class, and was getting additional work from the teacher, who was trying to help him as best as she could with continuing to improve his voice. Matt was the singer in an alternative metal band made up of other really talented kids in the school. He loved music, and really enjoyed singing, for it felt like he was just taking all of his problems, building them up in his lungs, and just letting them explode out of his mouth in a roar. He also wrote a lot, and a lot of the songs he wrote were originals that he had written. Whenever his band practiced, he would just listen to them play for about a minute or two, and was able to find the melody very quickly. He would then pick out some lyrics from a binder of his stuff, and have the band start up again, just coming in on just the right moments, hitting just the right notes. Then, when they had a set together, and a show coming up, the rush of adrenaline from the crowd gave Matt the sensation of flying. He loved it, and he loved going down to the crowd after the show to get feedback. Music, as well as Jen, was his life.
Jen was doing well in Voice class, with a voice that could hit a good deal of high notes, and even some of the low notes. Matt had commented on her voice before, even asked if she wanted to sing with the band, who she knew well, just to see how it would sound with more than one singer of more than one gender. Matt was always experimenting with things like that, but Jen didn’t really think her voice was good enough, and just wanted to be in the audience, watching him do what he loved doing. She loved seeing him like that, just crying out, having fun, interacting with the crowd. She loved the music he played, even though it wasn’t the highest on her list of favorite bands. She admitted that the band had potential, but she had said before that they just lacked definition. Whenever she said it, Matt would be right there behind her, an arm loosely around her throat and a hand giving her a noogie with his knuckles. She would scream playfully, he would laugh, and they would end up in each other’s arms in ten seconds.
Ben was terrible in the class. Whenever he opened his mouth to try to sing, almost everyone in the class winced. He didn’t like the class, and thought that music was for listening to, not playing, but he was in the class because Jen was. He loved her voice, thought it was the voice of an angel, and would have told her so, but Matt was right by her side, singing enthusiastically, playing with the notes, adding new ones that the rest of the class wasn’t trying, speeding up, slowing down, showing off. Ben didn’t like the fact that Matt was so advanced in this class, and he justified his jealousy by thinking that Matt was an egotist, and liked to show off a lot to satisfy his ballooning head, even when Matt went around the room, trying to help other people in the class. Ben mostly didn’t care for the class, and didn’t care how good of a singer he was, because he was just in the class because of Jen. He loved listening to her, and even though the entire class thought he was going to fail, Ben’s father had private meetings with the teacher that kept his average at a seventy-five.
During the five-minute break in the class, which they took after about forty minutes into the class, Ben followed Matt into the boy’s bathroom, intent on having a little chat with him. Matt realized he was being followed, but he didn’t worry about Ben much any more. He had been training in martial arts, Tae Kwon Do, to be exact, and had gotten very far in the past two years. He thought that if Ben tried what he had a couple of years ago, he’d be ready for him this time. Matt went to the sink, to wash his hands, when Ben went to the one next to him. Matt didn’t like the glower Ben always had on, but didn’t say anything about it, due to the fact that Matt had a quick temper, given to him by his father, that he tried to keep under control in situations like this, when the opponent was unstable.
“Matt, you need to start staying away from her, or something bad will happen to you.”
“I don’t hear her complaining, and I think that if she had anything like this to say to me, she’d say it to my face. Don’t you get it? She’s not your property. You can’t make decisions for her.”
“Oh, I’m not trying to make decisions for her. They’ve already been made. You’re going to start staying away from her, if you know what’s good for you.”
“You still don’t understand it, do you? She’s not yours. She’s not mine either. She made a conscious choice to be with me, and she continues to do so by her own will. You need to back off.”
“Why should I? You’re all over her all the time. I don’t see you backing off.”
“Save it. I don’t have to be told what to do, especially by someone like you. You don’t own the school, as much as ‘daddy’ takes care of your grades. You have no right to treat people the way you do.”
“Says who?!” Ben was starting to have a small hint of a manic look in his eyes as he continued, “They’ve been looking at me, whispering behind my back, talking about ‘Crazy Benny.’ You think I haven’t heard?! And, oh, ho, ho, I know who started those. You, perfect Matt, clever Matt, musical Matt, Matt ‘I’m-so-perfect-everyone-else-can-f*** -themselves’! I know what you started!”
“Ben, I don’t know what you’ve been hearing, but I don’t do crap like that. It’s immature and idiotic. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to class.” He turned around and felt a meaty hand clap down on his right shoulder. Ben was about to say, “You’re not going anywhere,” when he suddenly felt his arm suddenly come around behind his own back, straining the muscles, causing him pain. Matt had taken Ben’s hand, pulled it off as quickly as it had fallen there, and side-stepped around Ben’s right side, taking his arm as he did so. Ben’s eyes now watered, and looked as if they were going to pop out of their sockets, as Matt held Ben there, gasping in short breaths of pain. Matt’s eyes were smoldering as he whispered into Ben’s ear, “Don’t you ever touch me. And don’t you even think about touching Jen. You’ll end up regretting it all the way back to Sunville.” He released Ben, and Ben stood there, holding his arm in pain, his own anger boiling to the top. But a part of him told himself, Lose control now, and you’ll never get your revenge. Lose control now, and you’ll be on the next bus to Sunville. Just watch and wait. Lunch isn’t that far off. He glared at Matt as they walked back to class.
Voice class was pretty much the same for the rest of the period, though Matt could see Ben glaring at him for the remainder of the class. When class ended, Jen and Matt went to the locker they shared, and grabbed the binders for their next class. They shoved their stuff into their binders and closed the locker, going off to their special place where they spent time between their ten-minute passing time. They were usually late for class, but they didn’t really care, since they got good grades in all of their classes. Their teachers had stopped caring if they came in late or not, just shaking their heads, smiling.
It was a perfect place. It was just a little space in one of the small school gardens that peppered the outside of the school. It was just outside the school entrance, with a couple of bushes around it for privacy. They sunk into it, looking out at the view. The sun usually came down over the hills they were looking at, a rural place almost surrounded by city and when it did, it looked like a scene out of The Lord of the Rings, like some part of the Shire, with houses dotting the hills instead of holes in the ground. They just sat there, Jen’s back on Matt’s stomach, her head on his chest, just lying there looking out at a wonder, not a care in their heads. Matt ran his finger through her hair, and kissed her head, just enjoying the moment. Her hand came up and took his, and they stayed there for a few more brief minutes before starting to their next class.
The next class, Chemistry, was uneventful. This was actually a class Ben was reasonably good at. He seemed to understand the way chemicals interacted with each other, and was actually trying to find ways, on the side of class, during his own time, of how to mix poisons. The teacher was always saying not to mix certain chemicals because it would create a toxic substance, but he didn’t care. He just continued to work on it, hoping to put something in Matt’s drink that would make him choke, that would make him writhe in agony, that would make him die a slow, horrible death, the death Ben thought he deserved.
Matt wasn’t terrible in this class, but if it wasn’t for Jen always being his lab partner, he figured he probably would’ve blown something up by now. Jen was really good with this kind of stuff, mixing chemicals and seeing the different interactions of liquids, what Matt considered “brainy” stuff. He wasn’t very good at it since he didn’t try all that hard. Jen didn’t either, which amazed him, though he never really said anything. Matt knew that Jen realized how smart she was in this class, and didn’t want to make her embarrassed or anything. Besides, he thought, She would just point out how good I am with my music. Jen also had a talent for writing, a talent Matt discovered in her after reading some of a story she was working on. He loved reading her stories, and reminded her on a day-by-day basis to do a little writing every day.
After that class, they had lunch. They usually bought their lunch, though they didn’t buy the “hot lunch” material that most people bought because it was cheaper. Matt usually bought a large box of fries and a Gatorade, and would grab a bunch of ketchup packets to put over his fries. Jen almost always bought a small salad, a slice of pizza, and a bottled water. Matt used to buy pizza, but since he was trying to work on his singing more and more, he tried only to eat pizza once every week, on Fridays, when the family would rent a movie and they would watch the movie while eating dinner. Jen was usually there with him, so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.
The space that they sat at was at the end of a long table in the cafeteria, in the southwest corner. Sometimes friends would stop by, and they would chat about everything and nothing that was going on. If one of Matt’s friends came over, Jen didn’t speak much to them, talking only when a question was asked of her or if she was spoken to. When Jen’s friends came over, Matt was dead silent. He never really was the chatty type, though he would really get talking when speaking to one of his friends, whether it was a friend interested in music, or one of the friends that he played games with. The one thing he always tried to keep his eyes on was where Ben was.
His “friends” almost always surrounded Ben during lunch, where they sat in the north-most part of the cafeteria. He was usually the center of conversation, cracking vulgar jokes, making people laugh even if they didn’t think the joke was funny. He also always was planning with these guys, trying to figure out ways to get Matt to back off. Every once and a while a friend would have an understandable idea, but it would be shot down very quickly, for Ben wasn’t only looking for a plan to get Matt to back off, he was also trying to find a way to get away with it. The latest plan he had concocted was just waiting for the right thing to come along.
One of Ben’s friends came over, a baseball jock that looked fairly fast and had good arm muscles, and he handed Ben a photo. Ben looked it over, and a grin crept over his face, a sick grin that just emanated maliciousness and victory. He whispered to two other guys, guys that looked like they moved refrigerators for a living, and then went back to the photo, grinning like the Mad Hatter. Matt observed all of this from the corner of his eyes, giving his fries more attention than his delusional rival. The two apes of boys walked over to him, and one spoke in a low voice, “Ben Smith wants to see you.” Matt looked up at the goon, and told him simply, “Yeah? Well we all want to see a lot of people, but they might not want to see us.” Matt could have left it at that, but his temper got the best of him, as he snapped, “Piss off.” Some guys wouldn’t swear in front of their girlfriends, but neither Matt nor Jen really cared how harsh of language the other used.
However, it seemed as if the oaf took some offense to it. Each guy took one of Matt’s arms, and marched him over to the table Ben was sitting at. Matt didn’t resist because he knew that even though he might be able to take one of them, trying to beat up two football jocks when you only weighed 135 pounds was not a good idea. Ben was smiling sickeningly at him before he spoke. Matt smelled a fetid mix of burrito and vegetables.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here.”
“I’m just wondering why you’re bothering me. I have given you my answer a million times, it seems. I have no reason to part with Jen, and that is that.”
“Really? You think you can just walk away from me that easily?” Some of Ben’s friends chuckled, and Matt could immediately tell that something was going on. Matt kept on his guard, trying to remain looking neutrally annoyed.
“Yes, really. Now, if you don’t mind, I have food to get back to.”
“Not so fast.” Matt stopped only out of some form of curiosity. He could tell that Ben had something up his sleeve, and now he wanted to see what was in Ben’s hand of cards. Ben continued, “I have something you may be quite interested in.”
“Why would I be interested in anything you have?”
“For your own benefit. You see, what I’m holding in my hands, if given to you, could be very rewarding in your favor. But if I keep it, you might not be able to keep yourself hiding from the shame brought down on you by your friends and your dear little Jen.”
“What is it?” Matt was now very annoyed, and he just wanted Ben to get to the point. Ben flipped over the picture, which showed Matt kissing another girl on the cheek, in a very intimate embrace. Ben’s friends jeered at him, and laughed, but Matt just looked at the picture, trying to remember that familiar face. He stared and stared, realizing that Ben was trying to blackmail him, trying to get him to back off from Jen so that Ben could take his place. Matt knew the girl in the picture, but he wasn’t very good with names, and sometimes forgot how he knew them. The girl in the picture was attractive, and she had night-black hair similar to Matt’s. Her eyes were ice-blue, and they looked so familiar. Matt studied it and studied it, trying to remember who that was. He could hear Ben taunting him, but he was too far in thought that he couldn’t hear Ben.
Suddenly, he heard a voice that always snapped him out of his thoughts. It was Jen, and she had most likely cleared their spaces, for she walked over and said, “Hey, what’s going on?” Matt snapped, and led her away quickly, saying “Nothing, nothing at all. Could you get our locker open, I just have to finish up here. Thanks. Love you.” They kissed quickly, but Jen could tell that something was up the way he was ushering her away. She whispered to him, “Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing,” he replied, “Why do you ask?” Now she knew that he wasn’t telling her something, and was about to ask him about it, but thought better of it, and walked off towards their locker. Matt was lost in thought, and started to walk back to Ben, as he was not able to remember who that girl was, when he saw that girl, in the flesh, walking down the hall. He spoke softly, a polite little “Hi,” and she just said back to him, “Hi, cuz.” At that point, everything became clear to him, as he translated what she said in his head, for it took him a while to understand some people that talked like that. It was like he always said whenever someone said something incomprehensible to him: “Sorry, I don’t have my Jive-English dictionary on me.” He walked back over to Ben, a big grin on his face, and he said to Ben proudly, “Sorry smartass, but I don’t think that a picture of me kissing my cousin is going to do you any good.” He left Ben staring at his back speechless, his mouth hanging open and his mind blank.
The next few classes, Creative Writing and Theatre Arts, both classes that Matt and Jen were good at, were very uneventful. They did the day’s work, which was nothing particularly astounding, even though the classes were fun. Matt and Jen were working on a story together for Creative Writing, Matt doing most of the writing while Jen came up with the ideas. Matt did a lot of reading, and liked writing, trying different styles on the same paper or just trying writing different viewpoints on the same event. Jen said he had a gift, but he insisted that she could write better than him. She would always say “Writers are like that,” and silence him with a kiss to stop the argument. Matt sometimes would start the argument just to get a kiss. Ben used unoriginal ideas in that class, and sometimes didn’t even write to the assignment, but he was good at describing forces of destruction, which his teacher had pointed out to him once, and was thoroughly disturbed by how well Ben wrote it.
With Theatre Arts class, Matt really had trouble getting into the exercises. He was good at writing scenes, but he just couldn’t get into making himself look like a complete fool, as he thought everyone that did the exercises looked liked. Jen had no problem with the exercises, and just liked letting it all out. Matt tolerated the class, but he especially liked that the teacher gave him ten minutes before class to sing and jump around in the back room, just getting his energy to its peak for the day. The teacher thought of this as completely fair, and didn’t deduct points off of Matt’s grades for not participating in some of the exercises. Ben tried to act, and the exercises didn’t bother him, but he was completely monotonous when he read lines, lines he often couldn’t memorize, and the teacher often didn’t give him parts for class plays. Ben resented this, but as long as he had good enough grades to graduate, he didn’t complain.
Matt and Jen usually walked to the school library to do their homework together for about two hours before heading home. They didn’t have much homework to do, but the chemistry stuff took a long time, and Jen was figuring most of the stuff out. Later they were supposed to go, according to their schedules, to Matt’s house, to work on Jen’s singing and Matt’s acting, both of which they would work on for an hour total, and then they would go to their regular jobs. Matt ran the front desk of a radio station on the outskirts of town, and was hoping to talk to the manager about having his band come in and talk on the radio. Jen was a waitress at a nice French restaurant in the middle of town. She was tipped very generously, and all the people that worked there seemed to like her. A few had hit on her, but she didn’t care. She flirted with them, but then had to remind herself and the others that she was seeing somebody that she didn’t feel like letting go.
Matt and Jen worked on their Chemistry for their two hours that day, and headed across the baseball field, getting ready to walk up the street, towards Matt’s house. However, today was different than any other day. Ben walked out of the woods that outlined the outfield, as Matt and Jen were soaking in the good vibes from the pitcher’s mound. Matt became quickly annoyed, and shouted out, “What are you doing here? Can’t you ever just leave us in peace?” Ben shook his head, scowling, and said, “Not this time. This time, I’m holding out the cards, and this time, you gotta figure out which hand you’re going to play.” He pulled out a gun, a gray one that looked very dangerous, which alarmed Matt and Jen deeply.
Matt got in front of Jen immediately. He didn’t know if the gun in Ben’s hand was loaded, but the fact that he was pointing it at Jen was reason enough to protect her now. He knew Ben had snapped; even though Ben’s eyes were cold and his expression carefully masking all of his rage, he could sense that Ben was a stick of dynamite with the fuse slowly but surely burning to the BANG that would follow. Ben kept the gun pointed at Matt, and spoke in a cold, demanding voice.
“If that b**** decided that she’s not going to f*** me, I’m going to kill you, Matt, so that she can watch you die a slow, painful death, bleeding slowly on the ground until all of your strength gets sucked out of you, capice?”
“I don’t think so. You wouldn’t dare to try to shoot me, Ben. You may be borderline psychotic, but you’re not completely stupid. Why don’t you just put the gun down, and we can just forget about all of this?” Ben cocked the gun in his hand with the tip of his thumb, as he said in a victorious voice, “I don’t think so. I’m holding the power right in my hand. Loaded power. Now either she comes with me to a motel, or I’m going to have to pull the trigger. And after that, well, my two companions can help me have some fun anyways.” At his declaration, two other punks came walking out of the woods behind Ben, coming towards the second base where Ben stood, aiming at Matt, who was standing on the pitcher’s mound. One of them had a baseball bat in his hand and a sickening grin on his face. The other had owl-like eyes and had a length of metal chain dangling from his hand. Both were wearing punk-like clothes, and were looking menacingly at Matt and Jen.
Matt didn’t like this; outnumbered, outgunned, and by a psychotic, no less. He knew that Ben could snap at any minute, but at this point, fighting was the last thing that was on his mind. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt; he never did. He didn’t know why Ben hated him so much, or why he was chasing and stalking Jen like this. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know what was going on within Ben’s mind, but he remembered the promise he had made on that fateful day in the field of flowers two years ago.
Matt and Jen were in a field of flowers, lying on their backs talking to each other about anything and everything that popped into their minds, which wandered more than a six-year-old with attention deficit disorder. They were a type of white flowers, but Jen didn’t know what kind they are. She just thought they were beautiful, and Matt agreed. They talked about their dreams and hopes, and what they wished the world was like, Matt just staring up at the clouds, speaking when something came to mind or answering questions, his eyes never really leaving the sky. Jen was looking at flowers, picking a few of them and slowly picking off the lapels and casting them into the wind, watching them swirl about in the air around her. She smiled, and asked Matt a question that came into her mind, like some childish thing from medieval days.
“Matt?”
“Hmmm?”
“Would you defend me if someone tried to hurt me?”
“Jen?” Matt sat up, a little confused at the question. He wondered if she was in some kind of trouble, if her father had become abusive, or if someone he didn’t know about was trying to hurt her. He didn’t like these thoughts, though they came to him anyways, haunting him like ghosts and leaving him feeling sick. Jen slid over to him, closer, her eyes almost pleading him.
“Would you defend me if someone was trying to hurt me?” She repeated the question, but her tone was different. It was like she needed some comforting, like she needed to know something, like she was looking to see if Matt had that something more that she needed in a boyfriend. Matt felt like he was being tested, and he didn’t like it. He thought Jen would’ve known the answer to this question by now, but he answered anyways, his eyes becoming sincere and almost father-like.
“Jen, I’d protect you with my life. I hope you remember that.”
“Promise.”
“What?”
“Promise. Promise me that you’d come to me if I was in desperate help.”
“Jen?” Matt felt really perplexed now. He wondered why Jen was trying to get this out of him. What did I do to get this from her? he thought. But even as perplexed and confused as he was, he put his arms around her waist and said, “I promise.” They kissed, and Jen then looked into his eyes, a great weight lifted off her shoulders.
“Thanks.” She looked like she was really relieved. She now put her head in his lap, picking another flower and looking over it. Her dream from the last night came back into her head. She felt compelled, almost forced, to tell Matt about it.
“I had a nightmare last night.”
“I could tell; I woke up really early and you were moving weirdly and your eyes looked tense.”
“It was bad. I dreamed that we had promised to go see fireworks together on the fourth of July, but I couldn’t remember where we were supposed to meet. So I ran everywhere. I checked my house, I checked your house, I checked the baseball field; I checked everywhere, and I couldn’t find you. I was scared.” Matt looked around, and thought to himself, I guess I should help her with this. After all, I don’t like it when she’s thrashing around in her sleep. He looked around, and said simply, “How about this? I’ll be here.”
“What?” Now she was the confused one. She was more than confused, really; she didn’t know what Matt was talking about at all. She was, as Matt would put it, confuzzled, a mix of the word confused and puzzled, which Matt had concocted with his wonderful imagination. She liked the word, thinking it was cute. Matt looked back down at her, and replied, “We didn’t say where we were going to meet. So… I’ll be here. So when you come looking, you’ll find me.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” She snuggled closer to him, as he lied back down, and she slid over more, lying her head down on his shoulder. She was comfortable this way, using Matt as a pillow. She put her hand on his chest, and she could hear his heartbeat. Her mind wandered as she traced designs on his shirt, and she asked, “What did you dream about last night?” Matt remembered, though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He took a deep breath before starting, sighing heavily. The dream came back to him vividly, violently, as he recalled it to Jen.
“Well, it was a weird dream. I… wasn’t me. I felt like I didn’t have skin, but my body wasn’t unprotected. I felt like I had muscles I don’t have now. I felt like I didn’t have my face. I couldn’t look in a mirror though, because I was flying. But it felt so good. It felt like… when I’m on the stage, and the crowd’s cheering and shouting, and I’m getting all this energy coming at me. I soared high, and flew up higher than the clouds. I could tell I had wings, and I had fun with them, doing banks, and trying a couple loop-de-loops. Then I looked up, and there was this one cloud that was higher than all the others. The cloud was silver, pure silver, and the castle that stood upon it was made of platinum. A dragon came out of the two brass double-doors, and flew out into the air before me. The dragon’s scales shined like diamonds, but it held a very serious stare. I looked around, to see what it was staring at, and I saw them: two dragons coming to the castle, and they didn’t look very friendly. One was a hydra with multi-colored heads. The other was a dragon with dull red scales. The diamond dragon was flying towards the hydra, and the red dragon was flying towards me. I felt a burning sensation within my lungs… before I woke up.”
“Wow, that’s a crazy dream.” Jen could see the dream the way Matt described it. She could just feel the wind against her face as she imagined flying. She said, “It must have felt great.”
“It did, until the end.” Matt stared beyond the clouds now, almost going into his state of brooding, before looking over at Jen, whispering, “I love you Jen.” They kissed, and they lay there for what seemed an eternity on that day of promises that were costly indeed to break.
Matt snapped out of remembering, and came back into himself, finding Ben still standing on the base, pointing the gun at him. Matt still didn’t like this, but Jen started to come to Matt’s side, a sad look on her face, as she spoke softly to Matt, “I’ll go. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“But Jen-“ Matt was astounded. He never would have thought Jen would have forgotten his promise. He was an honorable young man, and he didn’t break his promises; he didn’t betray his friends, and he wasn’t about to let Jen do this. She pleaded her own case, “Matt, someone could get killed here, and I don’t want it to be you. I can’t risk it, I can’t. After all this, you’ll still have me, and I’ll come back to you. I just can’t see you get hurt.”
“Jen, what about my promise, huh? What about that? I promised you that I would come to your aid if something happened, if anything happened, and I’ll keep to that promise, by my life, like I had said.” Jen’s expression turned pained. She regretted asking that question now, but she knew how Matt felt. She also knew how Matt was, stubborn, like she was. She knew that Matt was the kind of person that wouldn’t budge after making a decision, like her, but she didn’t like how Matt was going about it. SOMEONE COULD GET KILLED was the thought that was pounding in her head. Far off, she heard Ben cackling and taunting.
“Ooooh, looks like the little missy’s a little slut. Is the slut going to be a good b**** and get her a** over here, or do I have to pull the trigger and then get it myself?” This comment made Matt look over at him with a rage in his eyes that Ben had never seen, that made Ben slightly falter, but he kept his gun pointed. The one thought that spun through Matt’s mind as he struggled to control his anger was You talk like that about her and you’re a dead man. D-E-A-D. I will not tolerate that. He was really struggling with the urge to just walk over there and tear his head off with his bare hands, but Ben could shoot him before he got over there, and even if he missed, his two friends could beat him to death with their arsenal.
Matt struggled with the decision. He didn’t want Jen to give in to Ben, because Ben was a sick f*** , in Matt’s opinion, and was just a spoiled little rich boy trying to get his way because he can’t find a way to ask another girl out. He also knew that if he didn’t just let her, he would be killed, and Ben would probably rape her anyway. His eyes burned as the beginnings of tears began to well up inside his eyelids, but he blinked the tears away. I must be strong, he told himself, and he focused himself. Something once thought dead woke up inside of Matt, and his honor took over his sense of judgment. He stepped back between Ben and Jen, and said simply, “I’m not going to let you touch her. Not now, not later, never.” Ben shook his head and said, “Tough s*** . You can’t protect her when you’re dead!”
Thunder rang out across the baseball field, the field that used to be full of good childhood memories. A flash appeared from the muzzle of the gun Ben held, like a hell hound roaring, its fire from within exploding outwards. For an instant, Matt didn’t know what it was going to feel like, but he was going to stay where he was, to make sure Jen wasn’t hurt, that he was still protecting her. He wasn’t sure what it was going to feel like, but he was going to make sure he protected Jen with his very life. He knew he couldn’t do anything about it if he was dead, but he stood his ground anyway. He was so sure of it, so blind to anything else, that something changed within him in that moment. Something different awakened within him, something he wasn’t quite aware of, but his unnatural chivalry that most would not expect from a middle-age man was a sign of something about to go into bloom.
Then it hit him. It felt like nothing had happened to him at all. It didn’t feel like nails digging into him, like the vets said at the Veteran’s Home his brother volunteered at. It just felt like something was so violently ripped out of him that he didn’t even feel a thing. Then the pain of something missing overwhelmed him. He collapsed to his knees, holding the wound, which was right below the lung, missing all of his vital organs by a hair’s width, though he did not know it. If he did know it, it might have changed everything. This whole day would not have ended the way it did. Though he felt this intense pain, it felt like his brain had shut down his mouth, and most of his ears. He didn’t hear a thing, except a shrill, piercing sound that reverberated on his eardrums. He realized, as his eyes looked lazily over at Jen, that it was her, screaming in disbelief and agony, probably feeling a despair that went so deep that she didn’t quite feel the rage towards Ben yet. He wanted to tell her that he was still here, that he wasn’t leaving, that he was still going to protect her, but his mouth wouldn’t respond. The pain was too deep.
Reality bent around him now, or his eyes were playing tricks on him. Matt tried so hard to stay awake, promising himself that he wouldn’t go near any bright light that might descend from the heavens, though he believed, as he knew that Jen believed, that no Christian God with angels and a constant war against Hell was going to grant his soul a place in Heaven, even if it did exist. He remembered, in his hazy thoughts, an inside joke that he and Jen would say to others if they ever told either one of them to drop dead: “Tried that. Heaven wouldn’t accept me, and Hell was afraid I’d take over!” Then they would laugh like innocent, carefree, naïve children, the children they wouldn’t ever be again, not after this day.
Matt had felt his body numbing, as darkness seemed to cloud over his vision, like a shroud being swept over him. It began at the edge of his vision, like when you can see the cloth when you look out of a hood, and it slowly began to fill what he could see, coming towards the center. The darkness was like a connected wave of clouds, slowly overtaking the off-white, dreary-looking clouds that hung above him. He could feel death coming upon him, tasting sweet and offering an end to his pain. Part of him wanted this so desperately, to get rid of the torment of a mortal wound that he did wish his own life be ended. It was that part of him that reached out for the darkness, trying to embrace it, become part of it.
Yet, with his body numbed and his mind frozen, some distant part of him, some disconnected piece of him that was still looking on, felt like it was banging on a barrier, yelling at the top of its lungs, saying that this wasn’t how things were supposed to go, that this wasn’t what he had promised to do those three years ago, that he was giving up right now if he allowed himself to die. Some piece of his nervous system twitched, and another smaller wave of pain coursed through his body, like an electric shock. That small potent part of his soul shut up for only a split second before continuing to yell and scream at his body, trying to get it to wake up, to get back on its feet, to press onward and upward, to get it to fulfill its promise. He could hear his heart beating in his chest, growing louder but slower with every beat.
His body twitched again, and the stronger piece of him was quiet for a second before getting back to barraging its message towards its body. It was that part of him that wanted to go on in spite of the pain, that wanted to live on, that wanted to experience all of the pain in the world so long as it could get back up and defend his soul mate. It was that part of him that remained a warrior, a romantic, an optimist, that thought that all the pain in the world could not overshadow the small moments of pleasure so intense that they were like rays of the sun whose light cannot be measured. It continued fighting, even as the fight grew more and more overwhelming to it. It was now like he could hear the thoughts of the two parts of him battling just to see which part of him was stronger.
Why do you continue fighting? Why would you give so much to be with this girl, when you could just end your own suffering?
Because I want to be with her, because I’m at peace when I’m with her, because I’m alive with her, because I can’t go on living without her.
But you’re about to stop living even though she will go on living. Why go through all of this for this girl? You’re just a senior in high school. No one who marries their high school sweetheart gets what they bargained for in a marriage. They marry, they divorce, they date a few more times around the block, and they try again, just to fail again. She’s like every senior’s high school girlfriend.
No, she’s not. She’s different.
Oh, really? Do you think she’s the “One?” Your dream girl? Your soul mate? Do you think she even gives a damn about you? Do you think that when she looks you in the eye and tells you she loves you that she’s being sincere?
Yes.
How do you know? How do you know for sure? You could ask her, but even then, you’re not sure whether or not she’d lie, so how do you know?
… I just know.
You’re blind.
And you’re pessimistic.
At least I’m realistic.
Oh, really? Did it ever occur to you that there’s more to life than woe and misery? Every once and a while there’s a bright sun and blue skies a day where you really have a good time doing something different. There are moments where you don’t have to worry about if you have everything, if you locked the door behind you, if you remembered to call someone that left a message on your phone. There are more sensations than pain, misery, and suffering in the world, but you can’t see it.
You’re a dreamer.
At least a dreamer’s happy, not like some whiny complainer that b****** and moans their entire life. You may have had control before Jen, but when I found her, I was in control. I was entirely in control. I was there, with nothing going wrong as far as I could see. You had your time, and I was now having mine, and I will have the rest of my time if this body of mine would just wake up!
Death is coming. This body cannot wake up.
It will! It must!
Why? Why are your wants so important that death itself cannot go along its course until you have had your way?
… I made a promise. On my honor, I will see it through. I cannot die this way.
And who are you to say that? Who are you to say that death cannot choose when it comes? Why are you so special? Why do you think you’re special enough that you can defy death? Do you think you’re magical? There is no magic in this world, only power, death, and chaos. There are people that suffer every day. How do you know that you are unique?
… because I know I am.
How do you know?
… I just know. Now WAKE UP!!
With that, Matt no longer felt like his body was merely an onlooker watching a battle. Pain renewed in his nerves, coursing through his body, a last assault on his senses. He felt, in his mind, the warrior part of himself win victoriously over the despairing part of his consciousness, and his eyes focused, and he looked over at Jen, who was rocking his head in her arms, and he realized that he had fallen onto his back. Questions popped into his mind like pins poking out of a pincushion, and he wasn’t even able to grasp all of them, even though he got the general idea. He questioned why he was getting his consciousness back, for one. Did he just get to grab a last look at Jen before he bled to death? Was he now getting the chance to say his last words, before he passed on? Was he really going to die? He was able to put one hand up to her face before something unleashed itself from within him.
Matt felt a surge of something different flood over him, as if something was sucking out all the strength from his body. It felt like his bones were losing their structural integrity, and his body, hollowing them out, and draining whatever they had inside them into thin air. His lungs felt like they were losing air, replacing oxygen with a burning sensation, as if a bonfire had lit itself up in his chest. His very eyes burned, as if something had unleashed this plague upon his body, turning his own organs, bones and muscles against him. The surface of his skin felt as if it was boiling, and as if a thousand tiny needles were sprouting themselves from within his body somehow. His fingernails and teeth felt as if they were being pushed aside, as if they were going to lurch themselves from his fingers and his gums, creating a bloody mess. His back felt as if something was trying to force its way out of his skin, trying to free itself, like that monster in the movie “Alien.” Though he did not see it, his pupils turned catlike, and his irises went gold-green.
The darker part of his consciousness screamed and yelled tortured cries, wanting it all to stop, wanting the pain to go away, as if there was something other than the physical pain that was coursing through his body. It took a little while for Matt to actually look up at Jen, to try to tell her everything would be all right, but when he did, his expression went to one of curiosity. Jen was looking at him with a mixed look of horror and wonder, and Matt’s last thought as Matt was What is happening to me?
It all happened very suddenly. He felt his skin tear in a million places, but the feeling felt like someone had freed him from a set of shackles and bonds, as if he was being released. His eyes felt as if the burning sensation covering them suddenly stopped, but when he looked at Jen, his vision was different. He saw an aura of colors around her, a swirling rainbow of colors, violets mixed with deep reds, which swirled around blues and greens. Off in the distance, beyond Jen, he saw a shape among the clouds, the shape of a serpent, ever waving in the same old pattern, like that of a Chinese dragon. The serpent stopped, and looked directly at him. He could tell it was looking at him, for his eyesight suddenly zoomed in on the creature, which nodded its head as if saying You know what you must do. His back now felt relieved, as if it too had been freed of some sort of bond. However, he felt muscles there that he did not remember, but a few convulsions in those muscles made him remember of his dream. His body remembered before his mind, but when his mind remembered, his pain was gone completely. He was alive again, though not as he was.
He turned towards Ben and his group of friends, his own eyes feeling as if they were burning with hatred. All thought was abandoned as the most primal part of his brain took over, the very back of his brain, where the options freeze, fight and flight dwell, and he found himself consuming his emotions to fill the empty space with one feeling: vengeance. He could see that Ben had an aura of color around him of reds and blackness, as well as a feeling of hatred and fear in that aura. He saw Ben flinch, an action he perceived weakness in. He got up from lying down, and spat out the teeth that had been flown into disarray as they had been tossed aside freely in his mouth. Ben was flashed a look of the fangs that had grown in his mouth as he did this, and Ben flinched again, but brought his hand back up, which had dropped in shock as he had watched Matt transform, pointing the gun towards him once again. As Matt looked upon Ben, he realized that this boy was no match for him at all, though the fact that he did what he had done was not something that could just be walked away from.
As he began to walk towards Ben again, another shot was fired. This time, however, the bullet seemed to come towards him slower than the first time, and his vision zoomed in on the bullet, seeing what way it was spiraling as it came towards him. He took his right arm, which he now saw was covered in green scales, and knocked the bullet skyward, where it took off a branch. A ring was heard as it hit the scales, but he didn’t feel the bullet. It was as if the scales weren’t a part of him, and he began to wonder How did I get those scales? How did I know the bullet wouldn’t hurt? Will I ever be able to feel anything? Will I be able to feel Jen’s warm skin again? Will I be able to feel how she’s feeling again? These thoughts were put to the side as he concentrated again on the conflict at hand.
The one with the metal bat in his hand, he couldn’t remember the boy’s name, walked forward, uneasy, and swung at the reborn. The one who was Matt merely moved his torso out of the way, his hips swinging his body around, and he knocked the boy aside with a bare palm to the boy’s chest. A guttural voice came through his throat, out of his mouth: “My fight’s not with you.” He stepped forward twice before the one with the chain whip came forward, swinging the chain slowly a few times before lashing out with it, hoping to knock aside this newcomer. The scaled one put his right arm up, letting it catch the blow of the whip, and grabbed the end of it, watching the other’s eyes as the chain wrapped around his arm. He then threw the other off to the side, letting go of the chain. He then stepped forward a few more times, and was face-to-face with Ben.
Ben, in his fear and desperation, fired the rest of the clip within the gun; he fired six wild shots. The kickback of the gun almost knocked him off of his feet from the barrage of bullets, but from his training, he was barely able to keep his balance. He couldn’t understand what happened to Matt, but it was as if he had transformed, as if he couldn’t die. How can this be?! This is impossible! This isn’t supposed to happen! He’s supposed to be dead! Why isn’t he dead!?! were the thoughts that ran through his mind as he had fired the bullets. The bullets ricocheted off of the newcomer’s scales, and Ben saw those green-gold eyes flash red with what seemed to be anger. Ben, started walking backward, panicked, as the scaled one kept marching forward at him. He threw the gun in desperation, which the scaled one caught, and stopped, though the anger did not leave his eyes. Ben froze in fear as he saw the scaled one take the handle of the gun in one hand and the barrel in the other, then ripped it in half, and dropping it lazily, scattering the pieces on the ground. He then saw the scaled one began to run towards him, and he yelled a frightened yell, turning away and started to run through the forest that he and his friends had ambushed them from.
Ben heard the sound of flapping wings, His wings, he thought, as he remembered seeing the scaled one having wings that protruded from its back, scaled wings with leathery flaps between the “fingers” of the wings. The flapping didn’t go on for very long, and then he heard tree branches snapping behind and above him. He tried to run faster, but it was no use. The scaled one dropped onto him, his feet catching Ben’s back, between the shoulder blades, and he heard the human cry out in pain, a sound that almost sounded pleasing to it. He then began to pace around the fallen boy, and then his guttural voice came through his mouth again, “Get up.” Ben was too frightened to comply, so the scaled one repeated itself as it took him by the arm and brought Ben to his feet. Ben looked into the scaled one’s eyes, and one thought burst out of his mouth, “What are you?!” The scaled one didn’t reply, merely staring back at Ben. It heard leaves crunching under someone’s feet, someone lighter than Ben, and concluded it must be Jen. It looked deep into Ben’s eyes, as anger and forgiveness battled in his mind.
He tried to kill you! He tried to hurt Jen! He tried to blackmail you! He deserves to die!
I wouldn’t be the same if I killed him. Besides, I don’t think Jen wants to sleep with a murderer.
But even she should see that he deserves to die!
But remember what she believes. Everything gets its “just desserts” threefold, on its own, and I want to just leave it at that once I get an apology.
An apology?! Just kill him! How do you know he’ll be sincere?
There’s no excuse for murder. I don’t need to kill him. I just need to make sure that he learns his lesson. Do you really think Jen will be able to live with the fact that you killed someone?
She should! He threatened to kill her! He deserves to die!
No! I’m not going to do something that drastic, even under these circumstances. I want to kill him, yes, but it’s not going to accomplish anything than getting the richest family in town pissed off and the police getting an arrest warrant!
What do you care about warrants? You have power, real power! You could use it to change the world!
How? I can’t fight against everyone.
Behind him, he heard Jen come crashing through the underbrush. He looked behind himself, and saw Jen standing there, looking on, a bit horrified. His violent impulses gave one last try, as he felt his right arm grab his collar, lifting him into the air, his eyes ablaze once again, when he realized something: Jen was afraid of him. The look in her eyes wasn’t only a look of horror for the misjudgment he might make, but of the power he held, and the worry of whether or not he would abuse that power. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew he would if he made the wrong choice. Even if he did want to kill Ben, he wasn’t about to do it in front of Jen. His choice became clear to him, and he knew what he must do, despite what he wanted to do. He had always thought that if he wanted to do something, he should just do it. Now, he realized that he was wrong, and that there were some things you just didn’t do, no matter what your impulses. He lowered Ben to the ground, and Ben promptly fell on his rear when Matt let go of him. Matt looked at him with firm, less angry eyes as he spoke.
“Apologize.” A shock went through Ben’s body. He thought Matt was going to kill him. He thought he wasn’t going to see eighteen. He had thought that he wasn’t going to ever wake up from this nightmare, that he was going to snuff it, that he was going to join the Choir Invisible, that he was going to die and go to Hell. He knew he deserved it, even though he thought of himself as right. He thought himself justified, even though he knew he was really not doing the right thing. He had just stopped caring, had just gotten to wanting something so badly that he didn’t care about anything else. He didn’t want Jen looking at him with pity, like she was right now. He wanted her to look at him the way that she looked at Matt every day. He wanted to be a part of that. He now realized that he would never have that, and he looked towards her, and sincerely said, “I’m sorry.”
Matt could sense, somehow, that he was being honest. It was just something about the timber of Ben’s voice, the way he said his apology, the way that he spoke, something undetectable. He stepped backwards, away from Ben, and felt a new sensation overwhelm him. He felt as if he was being pulled backwards in the time stream, as if he was going back to the way he was, as if something was wiping away this experience and the memory of it, and he felt himself almost fall into Jen’s arms. She caught him, but he was able to pull himself back onto his feet, now that he was his normal old self again, or so he thought, for he had changed, whether or not he noticed it. “I’ll be alright,” he said weakly. She didn’t believe him, but she helped him back up. Now, Matt looked at Ben warningly, as if to stop anything further from continuing after this, speaking for the both of them.
“Don’t ever come near us again. I was able to stop myself from killing you, but if you do something like this again, I can’t guarantee anything. Find something happy in your own life to hold on to. Let us live our own lives.” With that, they turned around, heading out of the woods, back home, thoughts running through their minds, both of them equally disturbed by the evening’s events.
Something in Ben snapped. He didn’t live a happy life; he had no real friends, none that didn’t fear him or got paid to do work for him. He could buy anything he wanted, get anything he desired, but that wasn’t bringing him any happiness. As Matt and Jen turned away, going to wherever they wanted, Ben’s anger built up inside of him again. If I won’t have any happiness, why should they? he thought. He picked himself back up, adrenaline still flowing in his system, and he rushed towards Jen, intent on caving her head in with his fist, his eyes ablaze once again. Matt looked back once, and he was glad he did. He saw Ben rushing towards them, and Jen stopped, hearing him rolling towards them, the look of an alarmed doe in her eyes. Matt got himself between Jen and the oncoming train, and got into a combat stance he learned from martial arts, hands up, feet positioned in an L shape.
Ben swung at Matt’s head, a punch that Matt blocked, though it hurt his arm, but Matt wasn’t quick enough, due to his low energy, to block the knee to his stomach. He heard Jen scream, and he hurt more, because he knew that she just wanted this to end, and she didn’t want to watch any more of this. Matt curled up, out of breath, trying to breathe, and watched as Ben walked over to Jen, a malicious look in his eyes, as Jen tried to walk backwards through the trees, her hands in front of her, to ward off Ben. Matt watched as he swung at her, hitting her, knocking her down onto the leaf-covered ground. Matt heard her scream, and felt her pain, and wanted more than anything for Ben to stop. He tried weakly to get up, though his stomach burned, and he could barely speak.
“Just… leave her… alone…” he gasped. Ben didn’t seem to hear him, and now that Jen was on the ground, Ben was kicking her, bludgeoning her with his boot, a look in his eyes that made Matt sick. Matt’s eyes burned, and he felt something different brewing inside of his chest. It’s happening again, isn’t it? he thought. He started walking weakly over to Ben as he got more and more of his breath back.
“Stop… hurting her… Leave her… alone… Get away from her… Stop kicking her…” Ben never seemed to notice Matt shuffling towards him, and continued his mad kicking, Jen now limp on the ground, moaning softly, the pain almost numbing her body. Something sparked itself inside of Matt, like the match that sets aflame the bonfire. His eyes burned with his own hatred of Ben, his heart brewing all of the bad memories to the surface.
He didn’t realize it, but his body was moving itself, his feet now in a stance much like that of a sumo wrestler. His hands had clenched themselves into fists, and his eyes were glowing a fierce red. His body felt a warmth cover it, as if he was standing amidst a great inferno that was as hot as the inside of an oven. Static electricity filled the air around him, and his hair rose as if floating. The leaves around him began to glide upwards, as if there was a fan below them, slowly floating upwards, proof that something was going to happen, something enormous, something the human race had not encountered for millennia, something one could only describe as magic. Matt felt like some force start its way from his lungs, start its way up his throat, and was about to go through his mouth. He screamed, “Leave her ALONE!!
He lost his eyesight for that moment, but he felt the force rush out of his throat, out of his mouth, and he felt the heat come from his mouth. It felt as if all of his anger, all of his hate for Ben, for anyone who would dare to hurt Jen, for anyone that hurt anyone, for petty politicians, for teeny-boppers, for people who cut down trees, for those that hurt him. He felt all of that anger, all of that hatred, all of that frustration that he had built up over the years, over major events, over petty squabbles, build up inside his lungs and pour out of his throat, out of his mouth, and directed at Ben. The only conscious thought Matt had was I wonder if he can handle it.
Jen’s thoughts turned to Matt, as she lay on the ground, hurt badly and ashamed of her naïveté. Matt was always there whenever she needed him, and she didn’t want to let go of this happiness that Matt had given her over the past few years. She wanted this insane creep that was kicking her to just leave her alone, to be as far away as possible, to just go away. She now knew how insane he was, how dangerous he was, and that Matt was never being too overprotective of her when Ben was badgering her. She took her look towards Matt, but became afraid again. He was exploding again, like he had the other time, but this was different. His muscles were taut, tense, and his eyes, those eyes that looked at her with a serenity that she sometimes felt, his eyes were filled with a hatred that looked as if it spanned the world over. He screamed at Ben, who was about to kick her one last time. When he screamed, a gout of flames came from his mouth, his mouth that he used to whisper sweet nothings to Jen, that mouth she kissed every day, the mouth that he sang with was emitting flames instead of any sort of roar she had heard come from it.
The flames crackled briefly as they sailed towards Ben, and once they hit him, he felt the burn, as if it hit directly into his soul. The fire didn’t burn him for long, but it left a hole through his jacket and his shirt, and burned his skin terribly. He smelt his own burnt skin in this moment of pain. The force of the flames hit him more than anything, and he was knocked into the air, screaming horribly, as his head hit a tree at an odd angle. It snapped his neck, and he fell into darkness, all his pain subsiding into nothingness.
Matt collapsed as well, falling into a darkness of his own. He could feel the two parts of himself fighting again. He just wanted a stop to the fighting, he just wanted to be left alone, to be with Jen, to just go on with his life. But that didn’t stop them.
You killed him! You killed him! What do you say to that?
I didn’t mean to kill him! I just wanted him to leave her alone! I wanted him to stop kicking her! She was defenseless! It’s not honorable to hurt a defenseless being!
Yet you killed him! You’re a murderer!
But it wasn’t my fault! I didn’t try to make that happen!
Yet it happened! You just need to give into your feelings. Stop trying to be all “I can do no harm.” It makes you sound like a faerie.
I am NOT a faerie! Stop trying to instigate me. I’m not going to give into your shallow feelings. To you, love is not important. To you just having that feeling around is like finding an excuse to f*** , which I am not going to give in to. I love Jen, and I know she loves me, and that’s good enough for me while I’m under my parent’s roof.
Bullshit. There are so many emotions you can give in to at any time, but you choose to use “self control.” You have no reason to control yourself; you have true power. Do you see this? You transformed into something most people only see in their dreams! You just spit a gout of flames made of your hate and killed someone with it! That is power! There is no reason for you not to give into that power. You could change the world. You could help the planet heal, take power away from these political figures, destroy all armies, destroy all weapons, and forge the world the way you want it. No one would be able to stop you.
… I don’t want power.
Pardon? I can’t hear you.
I don’t want that kind of power. People who are given that kind of power are in position to abuse it. Besides, I don’t think Jen would want to be around someone with that kind of power.
How do you know? She might become more in love with you for having that kind of power and making some of her dreams come true.
I know because I wouldn’t want to be around someone with that kind of power.
…You really don’t want this kind of power? You really don’t want to be able to change the world with a whim? You’d rather not be a God?
I’d rather not, thanks.
Ok, but now, you’ll have to die.
I’m not going to die.
Says who? Who gave you the power to defy Death? You tasted a power that you could have kept, and you’re deciding to throw it away. Who says that you can continue living after tasting that power?
I do.
Matt felt a darkness trying to cover him, a feeling of needing so much sleep that he might never wake up. He fought that with all of his will, straining not to go to sleep, like the slacker in a history class who got five hours of sleep the night before. He tried to stay on his feet; he tried to stay awake, but it slowly, surely washed over him, until he was on his knees, staring in Jen’s direction. Though she was weak, hurt, and tired, she realized something was wrong with Matt, and she somehow found the strength to get up, and crawl over to where he was. Matt was barely conscious when she took his head in her lap. She shook him slightly whispering, “Wake up. C’mon, Matt, wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me. I love you. I love you with all of my heart, and I can’t go on living without you. C’mon, baby, don’t leave me. Don’t do this to me. You can’t die on me now. I want you to be with me now and forever, for better or worse, for sickness and in health, just don’t f****** die on me!” She was weeping now, sobbing, and she felt a deep pain in her chest.
Matt could hear her calling, and the smaller, magical part of him, the childish part that hadn’t been affected by the modern need of a modern system, spoke to the other, more “adult” part of him, That’s why I need to stay. I told her, I promised her, that I would protect her with my life. If I die now, I won’t be defending her. That’s why I need to go back to her. I’m sorry, but the rules of physics just don’t apply to me anymore.
Matt woke up, completely and utterly, his mouth tasting like morning breath and burnt food, his nose smelling brimstone in the air. Jen was above him, tears flowing from her eyes onto his face. He reached up with his limited strength, and touched her face. She started, and looked into his eyes. A sense of pained victory lined his mouth, as he grinned and told her, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying with you. You’re my whole world, and you’ll always be.” They kissed, but this time it felt like nothing ever felt before. It felt as if another universe filled with life had sparked into existence, as if the finale of the fireworks had gone off, as if their souls were merging into one, as if they had lit a bonfire, or a Roman Candle, and watched it explode. They looked at each other, and continued to kiss, even as the police began to search through the forest, looking for the culprit of the heavy footsteps on the baseball field, the gunshots heard earlier, and this dragon-being that two scared teenagers, two very familiar faces seen on tough guys in Juvenile Hall that were now white as sheets, had said had gone into the woods and murdered their friend Ben. Matt and Jen knew what the truth was, but were not sure if they should tell, when they were brought in for questioning, but they knew that they would know the truth forever, as much as it had scarred and changed them, and how much closer it had brought them.

by Drake_the_Windseeker

Written by admin on September 10th, 2006 with no comments.
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